-say “i miss you” honestly and often – but only when you truly feel it. tell them specifically what you miss. make it personal. miss the specifics.

-don’t swear at them.

-don’t accuse; say what you feel. this is you being introspective enough to explain what you’re feeling as a result of something they’ve done/said. more “i feel…” and less “you’ve been…”

-take a breath before sending that message. you can never take back something you’ve said. let them read and respond to what you have said. tackle one topic at a time.

-setting boundaries is an act of love for yourself, and for them. without clear lines, resentment builds up if they overstep the non-existent boundary. be clear about what you’re okay with. stay open, and don’t let things build. express your feelings as soon as you can.

-never call them crazy. try not to call anyone “moody”. it’s invalidating of whatever is making them feel down. meet them with support, not assumptions.

-say “i love you”. tell them what you love about them, how they make you feel. they’ll remember this.

-also, find the “i love you”s in actions. making you dinner, eye contact and a subtle smile across the room, the hand on your leg, asking what you’re reading. acts of love.

-if you’re overwhelmed, try and pinpoint what need isn’t being satisfied. by simplifying the disgreement into “I need ___”, it is translated to them how to meet you in the middle.

-sleep on the disagreement if you need. always say goodnight. you’re entitled to going to sleep feeling what you’re feeling, but sleep provides clarity sometimes wakefulness can’t.

-“there’s no way to be perfect, but there are a million ways to be good”. you won’t be the “perfect” partner, but you can always be good. stay good.

-you don’t get to tell them you didn’t hurt them. remind them of your intent, but don’t excuse/undermine the validity of their feelings. take responsibility and apologize, but only if you mean it. an apology out of obligation is worse than no apology at all.

-validating someone’s feelings does not reinforce bad behaviour. if someone has shut you out, you need to give more than you’re getting. reach out. support. validate their feelings enough that they can be at peace with them in order to move on in a positive way. do not shame someone for showing their feelings, because they will be less inclined to do so in the future.

-relationships are in parts. there is good, bad, complicated. the whole relationship does not need to be simplified. we learned a thousand good things from each other, even if it didn’t work out how we imagined.

-actual love isn’t expectant, it’s accepting